This is a very personal blog, but l would love to share my life experience with you all. While writing this blog l’am entering a very dark and depressing place.
I couldn’t believe it, looking at that pregnancy test, with all the bones in my body shaking. I was in shock and it was really unexpected. So many thoughts were rushing through my mind at the point in time. I’m too young am l ready, so many questions were flying through my mind. Everyday was a struggle with the pregnancy, l never had the pregnancy glow as they say. I looked ill and not myself, l would always feel fatigue and dizzy. On a numerous amount of times l would need the urge to go to hospital, but l felt too anxious and worried to attend. Everyday l would try to keep myself occupied.
Sitting waiting to be scanned was such a nerve-racking time, Farzana called the nurse, l followed her through to the scanning room. Could you please lay on the bed the nurse asked. She squirted really cold jelly like substance on my stomach and the scan was in progress. Would you like to know what you are having, l felt tempted to know so l agreed, she informed me that l was going to be having a girl. I was happy, yet it still didn’t sink in, it felt surreal. I left the hospital, l told my family and friends what l was having they all seemed happy for me. At night l wouldn’t get much sleep as the baby would decide to kick me. She was a very active baby especially at night.
As a routine test l was called in for a glucose tolerance test, they requested l bring a small bottle of Lucozade. I was to have a fasting blood test and then consume around 4 little plastic cups of Lucozade, after 2 hours another blood test was taken and l left for home. After two days l had a phone call from hospital, the nurse said my results were high and indicated l had gestational diabetes. I was very concerned and worried, she explained that l would need to see the diabetic nurse. My father suffers from diabetes and heart disease, and hyper tension too. I visited the diabetic nurse she, gave me a glucose monitor and a leaflet with foods to avoid. I was on a strict diet as the nurse informed me l was under the high risk category and that l could have a miscarriage or stillbirth, or even complications during birth. I followed everything that was advised by the health clinician. I would buy fresh produce and no processed food.
I awoke early morning, I had so much to do, l also had shopping to do. So l had some breakfast and off l was. I came home just before tea time, l made some dinner and l checked my sugar levels which were fine. I was exhausted and l had a few more chores to do. I came home exhausted, and l got ready for bed, and as l laid down l fell asleep instantly.
I awoke by something trickling down my legs, l instantly sat on the bed and a gush of liquid comes out of me. l quickly put my side lamp on and clearly saw red blood, l was anxious even scared, a thousand thoughts flew my mind and questions arising in my mind. Did l have a miscarriage, what was going on. I grabbed my mobile phone and called for an ambulance, the ambulance arrived and l was taken to the delivery suite. I was still bleeding, l was waiting for a doctor to come and examine me, l was placed on the monitor and eventually the midwife found the heartbeat of the baby. She told me baby was ok. I was then placed into a delivery room, on monitors. I was given gas and air, and l was soon administered many drugs to prolong my birth. I was terrified, l felt vulnerable, didn’t know what to expect. Many doctors were seeing me making decisions, l hadn’t a clue what was going on. l was in a daze, due to the drugs and gas and air.
The third day and at 6:40am l gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She was so tiny l couldn’t believe my eyes, she was my little miracle. I never got to hold her only saw a glance of her and off she was to the neonatal unit. I was so worried, would my little girl make it, she was so tiny, she only weighed 1kg. I was taken to a postnatal ward, l could hear babies crying and mothers with their newborns. My little girl wasn’t with me she was in the neonatal unit. Who knew what the future was to hold, would my little girl pull through, l thought.
The next day the midwife told me l would be having a blood transfusion, as l had lost a litre of blood. I had to try to hand express colostrum for my little girl, I was having so much difficulty in doing so, but l managed with the help of some midwives. The same day l requested to be taken downstairs by a porter as l was unable to walk, to see my little miracle. There she was in this incubator, l went closer and there she was hooked on to so many machines and wires surrounding her. The was blood on the sheets from the needles that were placed into her hand. I was heartbroken, and felt hopeless. Was she in pain, l couldn’t help but think. I stayed for a long period of time next to her.
I was back at the ward. I would go to see her everyday, there was so many things going on, she had jaundice too, that blue light over her with her eyes covered was so painful to watch. Everyday l would breakdown and cry, not knowing if she would make it through. I would wake every three hours to express breast milk for her, but it was difficult because l never had much of a supply, the doctors informed me that breast milk was the only form of feeding she could have as formula milk was to heavy on her stomach. Eventually l had to make a decision, as l had not much choice, my little girl was to have another donors breastmilk, from the milk bank. I at that point felt useless, as a mother not being able to give my daughter that milk that she needed. Everyday was passing asking by, l was told that l was going to be discharged and be able to go home after two weeks. I felt like l didn’t want to leave as my daughter would still remain in hospital.
I would visit her everyday, and once l would leave l would have this empty feeling inside, l would come home and breakdown. Eventually after those difficult times she was then taken to special care unit, where she was taken care of, she was still in the incubator. My little angel had to do so much more to finally come home, she had to maintain her body temperature outside of the incubator. I fought with the hospital to allow me to be close to my daughter, eventually they agreed, but they accused me of having postnatal depression, when it was nothing like that, and referred to a social worker, because all l wanted was to be close to my daughter. Eventually things started to look up, we had to name my daughter, so off l went after a visit to hospital, l named my miracle, Amelia.
Amelia was doing well, she was maintaining her body temperature and was no longer in an incubator. They asked me to come in and stay in one of the rooms so that they could get us ready to go home. After a few days we were finally told that we could go home.
I was packing everything away and we reached home, organising everything for Amelia. It was daunting she was still so small and she was my first baby, the only difference was she was premature. I wouldn’t sleep in the night as Amelia wasn’t feeding very well. She wouldn’t sleep much through the day. I became ill and, I finally asked for help. All the family helped out which helped tremendously.
Time was flying by, l remember her first birthday party. My little girl was, no longer little anymore, she was hitting her milestones. Now she attends early years nursery, and is so intelligent. She is a joy to be around.
Pre-term labour is such a difficult time, it is so important to have that network of people around you like family, friends and health professionals. But remember no matter what you have a miracle, a little fighter. Those dark moments do pass.
I really hope you enjoyed reading this blog. Please like, comment and follow. I shall be posting more blogs so keep a watch out. Thank you all.